there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
