He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
