i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
