I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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