It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
