oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
