Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
