I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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