so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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