Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We smell like vodka and hangover
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