You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
