If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
