Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
