birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
