that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize