I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
