mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
