the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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