barbara walters just said penis...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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