I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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