I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
