clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
