I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
