She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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