I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
