I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
