I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize