how can u be prego again
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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