Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
