After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
