As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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