I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
