he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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