Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
