Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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