He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
