I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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