he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
