Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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