Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
