people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
