Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
