and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
