I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
