I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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