My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
