Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
