Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
