You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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