My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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