too bad you live with your parents still
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My bed smells like the plague
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
