I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
do nipples grow back?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
