I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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