So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
