This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
