Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
