Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
