The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
