just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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