you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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