Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
