Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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