I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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