im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize