Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
