It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
FUCK WHALES
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
