apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize