she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
