I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
